Idiocy.

“I’m not afraid to look like an idiot.”
— Anthony Bourdain

I wish more folks shared your boldness, Tony. Everyone and their mother is afraid of looking like a complete idiot. That’s what the internet says anyway. To learn more about idiocy, I spent way too much time reviewing search results for the oh-so-essential question “How do I not look like an idiot?” And — surprise! — everyone has advice and they’ve gone through the trouble of creating lists. These folks know things and they will help you reach a level of fabulousness you’ve never dreamed of. Supposedly.

Here are some of the search results that stood out:

This site tells you how not to look like an idiot on Twitter. God help you if you use up all 280 characters in your tweet. That clever bio? It’s not that clever. Stop trying to be funny because you ain’t all that. (Screw this guy…)

This site tells you how to refrain from idiocy in the workplace. My favorite suggestion in this list is that you should maintain the same speed as others when walking within a group. And don’t curse either. According to a 2012 study. more than half of employers said they would think an employee who swore at work was less intelligent. Obviously, they haven’t had the pleasure of working with me.

There’s also this: 14 Habits of Stupid People That Smart People Don’t Have. Don’t use big words, don’t smoke, and stop using the word “stuff”. If you avoid all of the things listed in this article you won’t look like an idiot in public or feel like an idiot when nobody is looking.

And this one…this may be my favorite: “The best way to not look like an idiot is to shut up.” OK, then.

If you’re interested in learning about specific situations related to idiocy, you should make some coffee, find your reading glasses, and hang out on Reddit. They’ve got plenty of folks posting about specific scenarios like How to Not Look Like An Idiot When I Run and I Feel Stupid When I’m Writing. If you’re looking for photographic evidence of idiocy, I recommend the Extreme Idiocy subreddit.

The gist of all these lists? If you want to refrain from looking like an idiot, do nothing. Don’t do a damn thing. We stop ourselves from doing so much because we’re so preoccupied with the opinions of others. It’s exhausting, folks. According to How Being Viewed as an Idiot Can Actually Benefit You, “If your goal has purpose, if it means something to you, then there is no one in this world who should tell you otherwise.” We’re all different and we’ll all do things differently. And your idiotic tendencies could turn into something big.

Don’t be afraid to look like an idiot.